No one truly loves me…
No one knows me…
No one cares for me…
No one trusts me…
What do I do?
Where do I go?
Who should I believe?
What do I need?
I’m all alone in this confusing world.
I have no friends who truly like who I am.
I’m living in darkness and fear for I know not what.
I’m barely hanging on and am still asked to prove what I’ve got.
Why do I feel afraid?
Why can’t I trust myself?
Why am I so depressed?
Why do I feel so angry?
I know life is not perfect.
I know that everyone has difficulties in their life.
But I don’t know why I feel like my life is purposeless.
I DON’T KNOW WHY I CAN’T TRUST ANYONE.
What is wrong with me?
I’m a failure…
I’m not deserving of life…
I’m a useless creation…
I can’t believe I’m me…
What am I?
Nothing really matters…
I’m going to die eventually anyway…
No one will know me…
Because I’m not going to let them know me…
IF I JUST DON’T TRUST ANYONE.
I want to have someone I can rely on.
I want to have someone to talk to.
I want to have someone I can show my true fears to.
I want to have someone who cares.
Why then do I feel like this is a silly thing to wish for?
Why does it seem like everything will only get worse?
Why can’t I let my heart be shown, to be open to just one person?
Why am I hiding so desperately?
I’m fighting myself…
I’m arguing with myself…
I’m trying to convince myself…
I’m only deceiving myself…
I know it and yet I don’t care.
I hear it but don’t want to listen.
I think it easier to put off my desires.
And yet I can’t stop wondering.
And fighting and arguing… over and over again…
Like I’m afraid of nothing but the person inside of me.
I’m angry of who I am and who I won’t let in.
Someone else might hate me…
Someone else might not care…
Someone else might hurt me…
Someone else might not be there…
I could get angry.
I could get mean.
I could get lonely.
I could get seen.
So it would only be easier to not love for real.
IT WOULD BE EASIER TO NOT TRUST.
It would be easier to not care.
It would be easier to not let someone be there.
~ ~ ~
Then I hear a voice.
Then I hear a call.
Then I see a light.
Then I see a hope.
What is it that’s there?
What is it that’s holding me?
What is it that’s saying it’s okay?
What is it that I hear and yet refuse to see?
He calls me quietly.
He touches me softly.
He holds me gently.
He cares for me compassionately.
Why do I feel ashamed of my feelings of loneliness?
Why do I feel warm when I sense He is near?
Why do I feel at home when I am in His arms?
Why do I feel so ready to appear when I hear His call?
WHEN I TRUST IN HIM.
So this is what I must do.
So this is where I must confide.
So this is how I must live.
So this is why I must lean on Him.
That I might be ready to trust…
That I might be ready to love…
That I might be ready to dance…
That I might be ready to let Him in…
I’m kept safe.
I’m opened to be held and to hold onto others.
For I will TRUST the Lord, who is the truest love of all.
By: Hannah Marie